It's a soft place of quiet madness. A place where pain shades into pleasure and everything slows to an underwater silkiness. I'm totally disconnected from reality and the present moment, lost in a secret world of my own. It's like a lucid dream and the sensation of flying is both soothing and exhilarating.

I can't always find it, but when I do, I feel like I could stay there forever.

Photos © Ben Marcato (top) and ArtOnCamera

August 7, 2008 at 07:42 Comments (3)

I'm going away for a couple of weeks and I don't know how reliable Net access is going to be. So if the blog goes silent for a while, don't worry. I'll be back mid-month with plenty to tell.

Here's something to entertain you for a little while, though:

Such a shame Ludwig isn't really my editor **sigh**

[7 Aug: YouTube seem to have deleted the clip. I can't imagine why, because there are no copyright issues and there aee lots of spanking clips there. But Pandora Blake had kindly put it up on FetishTube, so I've updated the link to point there.]

Please share the clip. Put it on your blog. Send the link to everyone you know - hey, free spanking clip! Spread the word and help me get the book out there in the public eye. Don't forget I'm a finalist for Writer of the Year - I want that Erotic Award!

While I'm gone, have a look through the galleries and the downloads page, as I've added lots of new pictures and clips.

August 3, 2008 at 21:05 Comments (9)

Of the cane, that is.

You haven't seen me do it much on film, but I LOVE wielding the cane. Especially on a bottom that can take it hard. I'm not into spanking as a top; it's just too painful. After about a dozen smacks, my poor little hand has its own safeword. That's not an issue with implements. The cane is my favourite, followed very closely by floggers and cats. Ah, there's nothing like stringing up a helpless male and thrashing his back raw...

But back to the cane.

I know exactly how it feels, so there's an intense feeling of power when I use it on another. I know that the actual impact is the least of it and I love waiting, watching as the pain begins to swell and blossom, becoming almost unbearable. I love watching the struggle for composure. Men are especially rewarding, as they try to cling to their dignity more than women do. A hiss. A grunt. A guttural noise. Perhaps even a curse under their breath. "Ffff.... Verdammt!" Mm-hmm.

It takes so little effort on my part to cause intense pain, to evoke such a powerful reaction in my victim. I'm not a proper sadist, but I BECOME one when I'm armed and dangerous.

(Guess the critics of the Stanford Prison Experiment were right about "situational attributions" of behaviour vs. "dispositional" ones. But that's probably a discussion for another time.)

What do I get out of it? Ultimately, it's the intimacy. Not the warm and cuddly kind but the profound and edgy kind. I would never violate anyone's trust or ignore a safeword, but I do love the sweet madness that engulfs me when I indulge my sadistic side. Another person's submission to my will is such a gift. I know because I've been on the other side and I know what my own offering means when given to another. To someone I trust to cause me pain, to humiliate me and take me to a dark place and bring me back changed and strengthened by the experience. Empowered.

In those moments I feel equal parts therapist, torturer and whore. I feel as though, in that moment, we exist in a bubble removed from the outside world. A place with no rules. No wagging fingers. No judgments.

None save mine, that is.
And they're always harsh.

August 2, 2008 at 08:03 Comments (8)

Someday one of you mad scientists out there will invent a "shrinking ray" and zap me down to a tiny size. It will be scary to be so small and helpless. A tiny girl can be made to do all sorts of things for you...

...and then your helpless pet can be punished in creative ways for not doing things properly.

A doll-sized girl would be easy to restrain, effortless to spank.

But I imagine I would feel very safe and comforted afterwards, curled in the palm of your hand and stroked with a fingertip.

The digital images come from Sally's Babes of Toyland, a delicious site filled with tiny girl and shrinking women fantasies.

Photo at top © Drew Miller, Out of the Box Photography

July 31, 2008 at 10:52 Comments (18)

Here's the account an eccentric friend sent me of his attempt to buy my book from his local bookshop.

Friend: Excuse me, but this large store of yours appears to be lacking an erotica section.

Assistant: Sorry?

F: An erotica section. There doesn't seem to be one on this guide of yours - here. (Indicates board on the wall with sharp movement of umbrella - a black one by the way to go with the black suit I'm wearing today.)

A: Er, no we don't have one. Sorry.

F: I see. It's just that I'm looking for the autobiography of a friend of mine.

A (brightens): Oh well in that case biography's just behind you.

F: And she's a spanking model.

A (back to being dull again): Oh well we wouldn't have that.

Don't forget I'm nominated for a Flying Golden Penis for "that"!

The 12th of September draws ever nearer... If I win I promise to make you all proud to know me!

July 29, 2008 at 15:12 Comments (14)